BY MEN FOR MEN
Leaving Poker Canyon
Was The Best Move I Ever Made
by DRESSLER
It's true, I was happy as a member of Poker Canyon. These men were my first team and an incredible source of growth for me. They supported me through some dicey shit in my life and held me accountable when my ego got in the way and when my blind spots prevented me from seeing the truth. For a man who had never had any deep and intimate relationships with men, I had hit the mother lode. On Poker Canyon, as Team Leader and Event Manager of the Southwest Men's Conference, I became really aware of the vital importance of what we do in MDI. Being a member of a men's team and personally reaping it's rewards was not nearly as impactful as when I considered it from a place of service to other men.
It hit me in the head in the most profound way; helping men reach their highest potential is not a privilege, it’s a responsibility I have to the young men I hire, to the men in our circles, to the men I have yet to meet and to the women and children they affect. It was this kind of thinking that put me in the middle of the circle last fall when we talked about forming new teams. I chose to leave Poker Canyon to become a founding member of what would become ODB. The team was young, eager, full of piss and vinegar. Many of the men questioned everything, had no standards, understood little about the weekend or the ways of men's teams.
For those of us with a bit of experience, it was sometimes frustrating and sometimes just weird being on the team. Mostly though, it was fucking fun. They were all better at sports than me, which drove my desire compete and to get fit. They had some serious Ghandi going on that, at times, made me want to smack their heads together and at other times made me realize how disconnected I can be from simple joy. I remember one night in White's backyard, Slote led us in what I think was a Buddhist chanting ritual. It was awesome, the seven of us standing, holding our bellies and chanting together.
I saw that team meetings didn't only have to look one way. I learned that some of my thinking was based on fear; on old man syndrome. I saw that idealism is a force to appreciate rather than dismiss as a folly of youth. I got to bring those men a few things too. I became a father figure to some of them. I got to bring them the tools I had learned from the men of Poker Canyon. I brought accountability, a bit of ass-kicking, wisdom, the masculine nudging that we learn from asking questions… “well if you did know…”. I built relationships with these men that were and are important to me. I also missed my men of Poker Canyon.
In my world, I am father to a lot of men and women. With close to 300 employees now, it is important for me to find a place where I don’t have to assume that role. It was this kind of thinking that made me realize that I needed to go back to Poker Canyon to take care of me. I was also keenly aware of my responsibility to this new team. I made up my mind to keep my commitment to serve ODB for six months and then to return back to my home team. I brought my truth to Santana and Andersen and then I completed with the men of ODB. We had strong feelings about my departure and we worked through them in a mature masculine way.
I returned to Poker Canyon to be made Peanut Shell Picker Upper (one step down from Lantern Boy). I was excoriated in a loving way and then welcomed back to take my place in that circle. This was a beautiful moment for me. But then, some months later, in a completely unexpected moment at the RHINO, I received ODBs reflections, gratitude and love. They confirmed that my move back to Poker Canyon had been best for all of us. I saw them in a new light; one of maturity and strength. They had figured it out and become a strong men’s team. This was one of the most profound masculine experiences of my life.
Congratulations to the men who stood up last Tuesday night to do something different, to take a chance and to make room for new men. I encourage every man to consider how he can play a bigger part in bringing Full Monty to others. Commit to registering a man for the Men’s Conference or the Legacy Discovery. Go and form a new team. You can always go back if you want to. Give yourself the gift of a deep and meaningful sense of accomplishment. Do it. Trust the men.
It hit me in the head in the most profound way; helping men reach their highest potential is not a privilege, it’s a responsibility I have to the young men I hire, to the men in our circles, to the men I have yet to meet and to the women and children they affect. It was this kind of thinking that put me in the middle of the circle last fall when we talked about forming new teams. I chose to leave Poker Canyon to become a founding member of what would become ODB. The team was young, eager, full of piss and vinegar. Many of the men questioned everything, had no standards, understood little about the weekend or the ways of men's teams.
For those of us with a bit of experience, it was sometimes frustrating and sometimes just weird being on the team. Mostly though, it was fucking fun. They were all better at sports than me, which drove my desire compete and to get fit. They had some serious Ghandi going on that, at times, made me want to smack their heads together and at other times made me realize how disconnected I can be from simple joy. I remember one night in White's backyard, Slote led us in what I think was a Buddhist chanting ritual. It was awesome, the seven of us standing, holding our bellies and chanting together.
I saw that team meetings didn't only have to look one way. I learned that some of my thinking was based on fear; on old man syndrome. I saw that idealism is a force to appreciate rather than dismiss as a folly of youth. I got to bring those men a few things too. I became a father figure to some of them. I got to bring them the tools I had learned from the men of Poker Canyon. I brought accountability, a bit of ass-kicking, wisdom, the masculine nudging that we learn from asking questions… “well if you did know…”. I built relationships with these men that were and are important to me. I also missed my men of Poker Canyon.
In my world, I am father to a lot of men and women. With close to 300 employees now, it is important for me to find a place where I don’t have to assume that role. It was this kind of thinking that made me realize that I needed to go back to Poker Canyon to take care of me. I was also keenly aware of my responsibility to this new team. I made up my mind to keep my commitment to serve ODB for six months and then to return back to my home team. I brought my truth to Santana and Andersen and then I completed with the men of ODB. We had strong feelings about my departure and we worked through them in a mature masculine way.
I returned to Poker Canyon to be made Peanut Shell Picker Upper (one step down from Lantern Boy). I was excoriated in a loving way and then welcomed back to take my place in that circle. This was a beautiful moment for me. But then, some months later, in a completely unexpected moment at the RHINO, I received ODBs reflections, gratitude and love. They confirmed that my move back to Poker Canyon had been best for all of us. I saw them in a new light; one of maturity and strength. They had figured it out and become a strong men’s team. This was one of the most profound masculine experiences of my life.
Congratulations to the men who stood up last Tuesday night to do something different, to take a chance and to make room for new men. I encourage every man to consider how he can play a bigger part in bringing Full Monty to others. Commit to registering a man for the Men’s Conference or the Legacy Discovery. Go and form a new team. You can always go back if you want to. Give yourself the gift of a deep and meaningful sense of accomplishment. Do it. Trust the men.
