BY MEN FOR MEN
"Fuck You. Get Away From Me."
by ANDERSEN
There is nothing sadder to me than to see a man I love and respect, full of promise and strength,walking around with a bag full of lists on his shoulder---on the Division, on the leaders of Full Monty, on individual men in the division or on his team---and refusing to clear them, liking or loving his suffering and anger more than he likes or loves clarity and resolution.
This has a tremendous, unconscious, automatic weakening effect on the man's energy, his perception by other people, and his ability to be perceived and to perceive himself as a leader. Holding onto lists becomes a bad, bad habit.
My challenge to myself, and every other man reading this, is to NOT accept this habitual suffering, in you or your teammates.
Challenge the men around you; ask good questions:
"Is that how you want to show up? Angry and withdrawn?"
"Is that how you like to be treated?"
"Do you think (the man you have a list on) is an evil dick and needs to be punished?"
We are in these circles for a reason; it's intentional; we've given each other permission to challenge our actions and words. If you don't serve your men by challenging them, you're not serving anyone, including yourself. You are letting your fear, habit, and entropy determine your actions. Challenge the man; he'll eventually love you for it.
Clearing lists is one of the most powerful tools we have to shift our internal context on the spot, because it demands that the list clearer do three things:
1) Say what happened
2) Say how it made him feel
3) Then---and most important---lay the list down; trust and like the man, and walk away
Really, truly, sincerely doing that is massively empowering, healing, energizing.
Clearing a list is ALL about the listholder. It's showing your teammates you are a man of honor, and not a feminized "little angry man." It's forcing yourself to trust beyond your supposed ability, and to shift your context from suspicion and withdrawal to acceptance and renewed trust.
Clear your lists, men. I'm taking my own advice as well; there's two men, no longer in our circle, that I realize as I write this that I've held a list on for years. I'm reaching out to my teammates today to tell them about it and set up a clearing.
It's like taking a large and thorough dump in the morning---so, so satisfying....
This has a tremendous, unconscious, automatic weakening effect on the man's energy, his perception by other people, and his ability to be perceived and to perceive himself as a leader. Holding onto lists becomes a bad, bad habit.
My challenge to myself, and every other man reading this, is to NOT accept this habitual suffering, in you or your teammates.
Challenge the men around you; ask good questions:
"Is that how you want to show up? Angry and withdrawn?"
"Is that how you like to be treated?"
"Do you think (the man you have a list on) is an evil dick and needs to be punished?"
We are in these circles for a reason; it's intentional; we've given each other permission to challenge our actions and words. If you don't serve your men by challenging them, you're not serving anyone, including yourself. You are letting your fear, habit, and entropy determine your actions. Challenge the man; he'll eventually love you for it.
Clearing lists is one of the most powerful tools we have to shift our internal context on the spot, because it demands that the list clearer do three things:
1) Say what happened
2) Say how it made him feel
3) Then---and most important---lay the list down; trust and like the man, and walk away
Really, truly, sincerely doing that is massively empowering, healing, energizing.
Clearing a list is ALL about the listholder. It's showing your teammates you are a man of honor, and not a feminized "little angry man." It's forcing yourself to trust beyond your supposed ability, and to shift your context from suspicion and withdrawal to acceptance and renewed trust.
Clear your lists, men. I'm taking my own advice as well; there's two men, no longer in our circle, that I realize as I write this that I've held a list on for years. I'm reaching out to my teammates today to tell them about it and set up a clearing.
It's like taking a large and thorough dump in the morning---so, so satisfying....
